Toxic Masculinity

You’re probably thinking, “are we really wading into this swamp?” The answer is, yes. Although you may have come across the term toxic masculinity on social media or in some recent publication, is it a real thing or just a meaningless term? Let’s unpack it a bit.

What does toxic masculinity mean, as used by today’s culture? Given the many definitions out there, I attempted to cull the characteristics most often associated with this concept. Toxic masculinity generally refers to cultural pressures or norms exerted on men that are associated with:

• Hatred/contempt/prejudice toward women

• Violence and abuse of women

• Bullying

• Homophobia

• Aggression

• Support of patriarchal concepts

• Stoicism

I think it’s safe to say that the first few of these concepts are not supported by biblical principles. I’m not going to go into an exegesis on the role of men in God’s creation mandate or the biblical relationship of a husband and wife, but things such as hatred of women or abuse are simply wrong. The same with genuine bullying.

But what about concepts as we move down that list? We may not agree with those who have an LGBT lifestyle, but given our values, it does not justify hatred or prejudice against them as individuals.

Does aggression by men generally fall into the category of toxic masculinity? Patriarchal concepts?  Is it appropriate for men to hold all the power and women to be excluded? You have to acknowledge that even male stoicism can be bad when it leads to something as simple as avoiding annual physicals (Come on guys, I dislike them too, but we’re all getting older).

I believe that all these characteristics and actions can be indicators of toxic attitudes held by men. Any one of them may be toxic, but is it a case of a “necessary, but not sufficient condition”? In other words, perhaps one action such as these has to be present to identify toxic masculinity, but can you label something as toxic masculinity when observing only that one action? In this regard, I’d like to point out three observations concerning the concept of toxic masculinity.

Actions are not People: Take the homophobia concept, which is often used to illustrate toxic masculinity. If a bill is proposed which would single out LGBT persons as a special protected class of people, I will testify against it, and be branded homophobic, even if it would create huge inequities towards other members of society. Does that mean I’m homophobic and exhibiting some form of toxic masculinity? No. It means I’m trying to avoid reverse discrimination against men and women who do not identify as LGBT.

Context Matters: If a male refuses to follow instructions from his female supervisor, does that mean he is exhibiting toxic masculinity and hatred of women? Perhaps, but it is also possible that his supervisor is verbally abusive towards him or intentionally gives him the worst projects. Does that justify his behavior? No, but it clarifies that it’s not toxic masculinity at work here.

It’s Not Always the Action, but What Motivates It: Motives matter. For example, stoicism by a dad may appropriately be intended to help give confidence and coping skills to his family as mom dies from a lingering terminal disease. The act of a father teaching his son how to defend himself from a male or female attacker is not teaching aggression towards women. It’s not toxic masculinity.

Nothing I’m saying is meant to ever justify abuse, violence, bullying, or prejudice against women or others. What I am pointing out is that life is complicated, and reducing an observed action to a convenient and socially acceptable concept is an easy way out. The notion of toxic masculinity is being used as a scapegoat concept, and it creates the risk that masculinity as a whole will be painted with a broad brush. Masculinity is not fundamentally toxic.

I see toxic masculinity being blamed for a lot of actions that may have deeper roots, such as alcoholism, drug use, anger control issues, or being abused as a child. Let’s treat the cause and stop calling it toxic masculinity. Let’s treasure and love the women in our lives, as commanded by our Lord, and leave aside the convenient and socially approved labels that are often used to simply create distraction from the real issues at hand.

For the men and women of North Dakota,